Longing
by Ren68
Summary: Being obsessed can lead to erratic behavior, but can one night in the playroom diminish Edward's obsession for good? Join Edward on his long journey to self-discovery, defeating obsession and discovering true love in its most beautiful form. Slash story with E/J. This is a one shot that I may continue at some point but will mark as complete for now.


The Summer It All Began Contest

Penname: Ren68

Title: Longing

Word Count: 11998

Rating: M

Pairing: Edward & Jasper

Summary: Being obsessed can lead to erratic behavior, but can one night in the playroom diminish Edward's obsession for good? Join Edward on his long journey to self-discovery, defeating obsession and discovering true love in its most beautiful form.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephanie Meyers.

_This couldn't be happening!_ Currently, I was strapped to a bed watching my worst nightmare come true. _How could this happen? How could he do this to me?_ I wanted to cry. No, I wanted to rip the boy who was currently bent in half over the table –my table –limb from limb. My heart cracked with every grunt, moan and curse word that rang out of my Master's mouth. This was entirely my fault. He had no idea what he was doing to me. It wasn't his fault that I hadn't been completely honest with him. For Christ's sakes, he didn't even know my name. How could he have any idea that I was in love with him and had been since high school?

It was the summer before I entered high school when Jasper Whitlock moved to Forks from Texas. He was a year older than me making it only natural that he would become fast friends with my brother Emmett. I remember the first moment I met him. Emmett and I were outside hanging around the pool when Jasper walked through the back yard and turned my world upside down. The minute he stepped onto my porch, I was a goner. He had beautiful, long curly hair the most piercing blue eyes and seeing him in swim trunks left little to the imagination. I watched with my jaw on the floor as he glided over to Emmett and leaned in for a one-arm man hug. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak because I had never had a reaction to anyone like this before… guy or girl. He was stunning… flawless… beautiful, if a man could be considered beautiful and I was a little scared.

"Edward… Hey Edward," I heard Emmett say as he laughed.

"What!" I snapped as I was pulled out of my thoughts.

"This is Jasper Whitlock, he just move here from Texas," Emmett turned to Jasper to continue, "Jasper this is my brother Edward. Ignore him, he's a little on the schizophrenic side," Emmett finished with his boisterous laugh.

My face scrunched into a scowl, perturbed by Emmett's description of me, but really, I'm not surprised because he was always saying shit like that. I turned to peek at Jasper and noticed the smile on his face as he looked at me. He took the four steps between us and raised his hand to me, obviously ignoring what my brother had said.

"Nice to meet you Edward," he said as he stared straight into my eyes.

I lowered my eyes unconsciously and shook his hand. The minute we touched a spark of electricity ran through me from head to toe. I held his hand a little tighter and longer than necessary wanting to savior the moment. The feeling that was coursing through me was overwhelming and I had the urge to lean over and kiss his entire face. However, before my raging teenage hormones were able to embarrassment me, probably getting my ass kicked by both Emmett and Jasper, I released his hand and placed mine safely at my sides.

"It's nice to meet you too, Jasper," I whispered, my lips turning up slightly.

Jasper's smile widened as he shook his head, then winked at me before displaying a mischievous grin. _Did he feel the connection too? Could he be thinking the same thing I was?_ Before my mind could take this scene completely out of control Jasper spoke once more.

"Do you take medication for your illness?" he asked with a straight face and I was left stunned that my brother had once again made me the butt of his jokes. Frowning, I lowered my eyes to the ground for a moment, steeling my resolve to nip this in the bud before it started an endless string of jokes at my expense. I didn't think I could stand having Jasper –this beautiful angel –making fun of me all the time. It was bad enough Emmett felt the need to do it, but there was no way I could live with Jasper feeling the same way.

I peeked up at Jasper to see the hint of a smirk on his beautiful face.

"Well, the doctor's say it is from living with the imbecile here for so long, but once I'm away from him for a period of time I should return to normal," I said as I turned to walk towards the house.

I got a glimpse of Jasper smiling widely before I turned. I could hear my brother yelling at me to come back, but ignored him and made my way to the door. I was about to go in but needed one last look at Jasper before I did. I turned around to see them both staring at me making me a little uncomfortable.

"Have a nice afternoon," I simply said sparking a response from Jasper.

"You too, Edward," he said smiling as his eyes locked with mine as we stared at each other for probably more time than was acceptable, but at the moment I didn't care. Emmett's voice broke us from our trance.

"Yeah, see ya schizo," he said as he laughed.

That is how my obsession began and that is how everyone else who came into my life ended up being placed on the Jasper scale. Sad really. Everyone I ever liked would be judged against Jasper. After our initial meeting, I spent the next two years trying to come to terms with the fact that I was gay. It wasn't easy and I remained in denial for a long time. It took two more years to tell anyone I was gay. It was my senior year, prom was fast approaching and I was expected to take a date. My parents kept asking me who I was interested in, but there was no one. Well, in truth, there was one person, but he was in Seattle attending college with my brother. There was no way I was going to tell my parents about my crush on Jasper, but it was at that time I told them about my sexual orientation. It went better than I had thought it would, they said they didn't care as long as I was happy. I'm certain that was why my mother approached me one afternoon about college.

"Edward, can we talk?" she said as she walked into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

I spun around away from my computer to face her.

"Sure, what's up?" I asked.

"Well, I was thinking, you'll be going away to college next year and you really haven't decided where you want to go. I know you have applied to several, but I think maybe you should visit your brother and see what campus life is all about," she said as she smiled at me. "Why don't you head to Seattle this weekend and see what it's like. It's hard to make an informed decision about something you know nothing about," she finished quietly.

I was stunned. Did my mother not know that Emmett and I were not exactly best friends? She had seen us over the years, surely she knew what would happen if he and I were stuck in a small dorm room together for an entire weekend?

"Edward, I know in the past you and Emmett… well, that you two…" she didn't finish. She didn't have to finish we both knew exactly what she was thinking. "But that's in the past, your brother has matured since then," I raised my eyebrow at her. Was she kidding? "Okay, scratch that. Your brother will welcome you, show you around and be nice or he'll have his mother to answer to," she said smiling at me.

An entire weekend with Emmett. _Could I survive that? Did I want to survive that?_ My only saving grace would be that his roommate would be there. Moreover, it just so happened that his roommate was the star of all of my fantasies and the object of my obsession. So in the end, the question wasn't whether I could survive Emmett, the question was whether I could spend the weekend in the same room with Jasper and not let my feelings be known. It had been months since I had seen Jasper and I knew the answer was yes, even without conscious thought I was nodding my head at my mother. She was excited and started for the door.

"… and then I'll call Emmett… and we'll also need to…" she went on as she left the room.

I sat staring at the door thinking about what this weekend would bring.

My drive to Seattle was spent contemplating whether I could act normal around Jasper. My family now knew I was gay, but I really hadn't been around my brother and Jasper since coming out. I knew my brother was fine because he called me the minute my mother told him.

"I knew it… why didn't you tell me?" Emmett asked before I even said hello.

"Geez Emmett, what happened to hello, how are you?" I answered avoiding his question.

"Hello, how are you? Now, why didn't you tell me? Why did I have to hear this from Mom?" he asked his voice filled with hurt.

"I was scared," I said.

"Scared of what? That I would ignore you, hate you, what Edward? It's me, your brother. I thought we told each other everything. I mean, I told you about Amanda and me… what's her name? Anyways, I told you when I first…" I cut him off immediately.

"Emmett I'm sorry, but this was different. This isn't normal and I wasn't sure how you would take it, okay?" I pleaded with him.

"Oh Eddie, Eddie, what am I going to do with you? All this time I've been pushing chicks on you when I should have been pushing boys," he says as he laughs. "You should have told me. You know I would love you no matter who you want to stick your dick in… or rather have theirs stuck…"

"EMMETT" I yelled as he laughed.

And that was how my relationship always went with Emmett. He was very accepting and very loyal and I loved him to death.

My phone ringing pulled my out of me thoughts.

"Hello."

"You almost here?" a very excited Emmett asked, again with no hello or how are you. You would think the boy was raised by wolves.

"Yes, I'm about twenty minutes away," I said calmly masking the complete mess I was on the inside.

"Good, I'll meet you at the entrance," he said as he hung up.

I pressed the button ending the call and began looking at my GPS to make certain I hadn't misled him. Sure enough, I was correct and would arrive on schedule.

My nerves were on the rise, my stomach doing summersaults as my hands began to tremble.

"Pull yourself together Edward. It's just your brother for Christ's sakes," I chastised myself as I began to feel a little foolish.

Twenty minutes later, I pulled up to the front of the dormitory that has housed my brother and Jasper for the past 6 months. I had subsided my craziness for the moment and looked. There standing on the sidewalk out front was not only my brother, but also his girlfriend Rose and her brother Jasper. My trembling was back in full force as I watched the trio wander over to my car. Emmett swung the passenger door open as I pulled up to the crib.

"How's it going little bro?" he practically shouted at me.

All I could do was stare over his shoulder, passed Rose to Jasper who was standing there with a wide smile on his face looking like a Greek God. Jesus, he's even more beautiful if that was possible. How the hell am I going to make it through the weekend and not attack him at some point? Turning my attention back to Emmett's expecting face. I knew he was waiting for an answer but I was having trouble remembering how to speak.

Taking a deep breath I blurted out, "I see college has taught you how to greet people, at least you're learning something here," I said chuckling in shock that those words escaped my lips.

Suddenly everyone was laughing hard as I stared at Emmett.

"Oh, he is so your brother Emmett," Rose laughs as she steps forward and slaps Emmett on the back of the head.

"Ouch! What'cha do that for?" he whined as he rubbed his head.

"That's for always picking on Edward," she said as she focused on my face. "Not that you need anyone sticking up for you Edward. We all know that you are the brains in the family, while your brother is… well, your brother," she smiled at me in her kind way. "Welcome to Washington State University," she added.

"Thanks Rose, it's great to see you… both of you," I said a little awkwardly. I looked over Rose's shoulder to see Jasper staring at me. "I mean, all three of you," I spoke directly to Jasper as I said the next stupid thing that came to mind. "It was nice of you two to come with my brother to welcome me."

Rose looked at me funny, then glanced over her shoulder to Jasper before returning her gaze to me. If she thought anything of my blatant staring, she never voiced her thoughts.

"Well, it will be nice to have someone intelligent to speak to for a change," she said wistfully.

I smiled at her before turning my attention to Emmett.

"Where should I park?" I asked my brother.

"Get out, we'll take it to the parking lot for you," he said as he stepped back from the door letting Rose get in. I swallowed hard with the thought of spending time alone with Jasper. Putting the car in park, I opened the door and got out to stretch. The drive had been four hours and I was now feeling how stiff my legs actually were. My brother came around the front of the car and hoped in the drivers seat.

"Open the trunk," I said as I walked around the back of the car only to be met by Jasper.

"I've got it," he said with a smile as he picked up my bag.

Together we headed for the building, but not before hearing Emmett squeal my tires and burn out of the spot. I spun around quickly; annoyed that he would drive my car like that.

"It'll be fine," Jasper said as he patted my back.

That weird spark of electricity that always ran through me when he touched me was back. I tensed for a moment then turned around with a smile.

"I know, but that's my baby," I said whining a little.

"Really Edward," Jasper said while chuckling, "your baby," he said full on laughing now.

We headed inside and my nerves had been squashed for the moment until we entered the elevator. Being in a tight enclosed space with Jasper was not good while I was attempting to keep my composure. All the calmness I felt was gone and suddenly replaced by butterflies in my stomach making me nauseous. I tried watching the numbers rise above the doorway, but it was difficult knowing that Jasper was staring at me. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my head. My forehead began to sweat and my hands were trembling. _Why is he staring at me so intensely?_ _What's his problem?_ Maybe he's not happy about being stuck with me. Maybe he doesn't like that fact that I'm gay. It never occurred to me that he would have a problem with my sexual orientation. That was probably a discussion I should have had with Emmett before my arrival. Although, I'm certain he told Jasper. I still couldn't figure out why he was staring at me.

Finally, the elevator pinged announcing our floor and the doors opened. Jasper walked out and I followed. He arrived at a door and used his key to unlock it.

"Welcome to our room," he said as he walked in throwing my bag on a bed. "You'll be sleeping here," he said as he pointed to the bed he threw my bag on.

"Whose bed is that?" I whispered afraid of the answer.

"Mine," he said as he turned to look at me.

"I'm not taking your bed, Jasper," I whispered while looking at the ground.

"You can and you will," he said in a commanding tone making it impossible to say no.

The reaction my body was having to his voice was ridiculous so I crossed the room quickly and sat down on the bed –Jasper's bed –to hide the obvious erection that was now present.

"Thank you," he said as he sat across from me on what I assume was Emmett's bed.

I peeked up at him confused. "You're thanking me for taking your bed?" I asked.

"No, I'm thank you for not arguing with me," he said smiling. "So how have you been?" he asked with genuine curiosity tone in his voice.

"I've been good, you know as good as you can be in Forks," I said.

"Yeah, I hear ya man. It sucked being stuck in that town especially for people like us," he said staring at me awkwardly again.

"People like us?" I asked, but just then the door opened and Emmett and Rose walked into the room.

"Well little bro, rest up because we're going to show you a good time this weekend. I want to show you all that college has to offer and let me tell you it's more than that little shit town we come from," he said as he was laughing.

"That's for sure," Rose added to the conversation.

I looked over at Jasper and he was agreeing.

I really wanted to know what he meant by 'people like us.' Was he talking about people from Forks, small towns in general, or was he talking about something completely different. I didn't get an opportunity to ask because Emmett and Rose wanted to go get dinner and then we were all heading to some party at a fraternity house.

Dinner went smoothly, although I couldn't help but watch Jasper for most of it. I hardly ate anything, which in hindsight was probably a bad idea because once we hit the party the drinking began. I wasn't much of a drinker to begin with, but with an empty stomach, I was drunk fairly quickly. At some point I lost Emmett, Rose and Jasper and was wandering around the house feeling lost. That was when I saw him. He was dancing by himself looking all kinds of cute and sexy. At least, in my drunken haze he looked sexy. I leaned against the living room wall both for support and to look somewhat in control and watched this boy move as he danced around. When my eyes met his, he stopped dancing and started walking towards me. He had dark hair, almost black, which hung to his shoulders. His skin was so pale it almost glowed in the room. However, it was his eyes that held my attention. They were a sharp gray with mischief written all over them. I stood frozen to the wall holding my breath as he approached.

He placed one hand on the wall beside my head and the other on the wall beside my hip. He leaned in as if he was sniffing me and my breath hitched. He was gorgeous, smelled amazing and my hazy mind clouded even more. I could feel his warm breath glide across my face as he spoke in my ear.

"I have not seen you before," he said softly, then pulled back to look in my eyes. "I would remember you," he said with a smirk on his face.

I stood frozen solid not knowing how to respond. No one had ever hit on me before.

"What's your name handsome?" he asked.

I glanced at his eyes, then at his lips. I managed to clear my head enough to speak. "Edward, and you are?"

"Demetri," he said as he leaned back into my neck and was definitely sniffing me. "You smell scrumptious, Edward," he told me as he pulled back once more. "Are you new here?" he asked.

"No, just visiting," I squeaked out as my breath became labored.

"Well, I'm happy you're here, would you like to dance?" he said as he ran his nose up and down my throat making his way across my cheek.

My entire body was heating up and my head was swirling around in the cloudiness. Just when I thought he was going to try to kiss me, he suddenly pulled away and looked at me expectantly. I was confused for a moment until I remembered him asking a question. I stared into his eyes trying to remember what he asked, but for the life of me, I couldn't.

"Dance with me, handsome," he said with pleading eyes.

I had lost the ability to speak apparently and nodded instead. He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto the dance floor. He placed one hand on my hip and spun me around, which was probably not a good idea in the state I was in, but quickly he pulled me back against him so my back was flush against his chest. The heat between our two bodies was scourging, but nothing compared to the arms that encircled me and pulled me even tighter to him. His hips began moving against my ass and we were swaying to the music. His hands traveled up and down my chest finally settling on my hips as he pulled me closer, impossibly closer to him. I could feel his lips on the back of my neck and I let out a small moan of appreciation.

"So responsive. Oh the things I'm going to do with you," he said as placed small kisses around my ear.

I felt his tongue lick around my earlobe before he sucked it into his mouth. I thought I would explode from all of the sensations that were running through me. His hand moved to my chin and turned my head toward his. He leaned in and captured my lips in a scorching kiss. His tongue reached out asking for permission and I granted it without hesitation. As our tongues did a dance together, he slid his hand back down my chest and under my shirt. Slowly his hand reached my nipple and he rolled it between his finger and thumb and began pulling it. My breathing was out of control and my head was spinning. This man was driving me to the brink and I realized I didn't want to be brought back.

I quickly spun around in his arms and attacked his mouth with my own. He responded in kind and I could feel us moving, but it felt more as if I were floating instead of walking backwards. My back hit something and the movement stopped. The kissing was still going full force and I couldn't seem to stop. I devoured his mouth like I was on a desert island and he was my only source of water. I felt hands gripping my ass tight and suddenly I was being picked up. Instinctually I wrapped my legs around his waist and threw my head backwards. It hit the wall with a thud, but I didn't care, all I could feel was his hardness against mine and I was dry humping this gorgeous man in front of me.

His lips attacked my neck and I was writhing and moaning, before it suddenly occurred to me that we were not alone. Pulling my head up from the wall, I looked around the room. I could see two small beds, two desks, posters were lining the walls and clothes were thrown about. I was stunned and looked at Demetri.

"How did we get in here?" I whispered as his head dipped down and his tongue was licking my Adam's apple.

"I brought you in here," he said sheepishly. "I didn't think you would want everyone to see what I plan on doing to you," he said with a smirk. "But, if you're into exhibitionism I will gladly oblige," he offered.

"No," I whispered and bowed my head embarrassed by my behavior.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed, I like you too," he said with a smile as he tightened his arms around my waist, resting his hands on my ass.

It was in that moment realization hit me that I still had my legs wrapped around his waist and that he had been holding me up the entire time. I went to move but he held tighter, spinning us around and began walking. He dropped me to the bed and I bounced a couple of times letting me know just how drunk I still was. My motor functions were not working well. Demetri leaned over and captured my lips with his. The heat in my body was rising once again and I was squirming beneath him. He covered my body with his and I could feel his arousal pressed against mine.

My mind began sobering up in a hurry realizing where I was and what was expected to happen here. I moved my hands to his chest and pushed him back, but he was dead weight and wasn't budging. I struggled beneath him while he kept kissing me forcefully. He grabbed my hands and pulled them over my head. I heard a clicking noise and the metal around my wrists before I turned my head. Handcuffs were now restraining my arms. _What the fuck?_

I looked back at Demetri who was smiling ear to ear.

"God, you are perfect," he said as he leaned in to kiss me again.

I bucked my hips and pulled on the handcuffs.

"Demetri, this isn't funny," I whimpered. "Let me go," I pleaded.

"Oh my precious boy, you are going to love this," he said as he licked my face from chin to ear.

Letting out a deep breath next to my ear he said, "I can't wait to fuck that tight hole of yours, you are a virgin, are you not?" he whispered.

Shock coursed through me as his words played in my mind. I pulled harder on the handcuffs and bucked my hips uncontrollably.

"Please, Demetri, please stop," I begged harder.

"Why sweetness, I have something you want and if you're a good boy I'll give it to you," he said as he slowly moved his hand down my chest.

"NO," I shouted. "Please just let me go," I pleaded once again.

"You'll love this, I promise," he said as he palmed my dick over my jeans. He leaned back up to my ear and spoke again. "See you are already loving this," he palmed my dick again and it was hard.

Tears sprang to my eyes and slid down my temple to my ear. He moved up and licked them away.

"Trust me Edward, you are a natural submissive," he whispered as he kissed my eye.

My head was spinning as my body gave up the fight.

"See," he said as he moved down my body and pulled my shirt up. He ran his tongue over my nipple and then bit down hard.

I screamed out as he palmed my dick once more.

"I told you, you are so hard for me, you like me being in control," he said as he started undoing my jeans.

Tears fell harder from my eyes. I was confused because he was right. My arousal only got harder when he put the handcuffs on, but I knew that I didn't want to do what he was planning on doing. I heard the zipper on my jeans being lowered and decided I had enough.

"Stop, please stop," I begged harder.

"Enough," he said in a tone that was commanding. "I will tell you what is happening, we are doing this and you will enjoy it," he demanded.

"NO," I shouted again.

Demetri smirked at me again. He pulled back his arm and let it fly punching me in the face. I closed my eyes but could hear the door of the room banging off the wall. I prayed that he gave up and left, but then I heard some sort of commotion as I struggled to open my eyes, which remained closed. My head was clouding with darkness as I managed to make out a blonde blur through my other eye. I wondered who had come into the room and what they were doing, but before those thoughts could begin to make sense, my world went black.

Opening my eyes, my head hurt and I closed them straight away. The throbbing pressure from inside my head was enough to make me nauseated. I tried to remember what happened and where I was but to no avail.

"I brought you some aspirin and water, I'm sure you'll need it," a calm voice I knew well spoke.

"Thanks," I offered in a small weak voice.

"You're welcome," he said as I felt the bed dip by my side. "Edward," he said as he let out a deep breath.

I felt a hand running through my hair and along the side of my face. Electricity coursed through my body as it always did when he touched me. I heard him sigh before he continued.

"What were you thinking?" he asked quietly as I opened my eyes to stare at him… confused.

He looked at me with such concern, such anxiety and another emotion I couldn't name.

"You scared the hell out of me," he whispered softly.

I couldn't say anything. I had no idea what he was talking about. I tried to remember last night but could only get as far as arriving at the party.

"What happened?" I asked.

Pain etched his beautiful face causing me to wonder what was really going on here. Did I do something to him? Did I make a pass at him? Oh God what if I did?

"You don't remember?" he asked sadly as he looked at me.

"No," I said as I moved to sit up leaning back against the headboard.

Then it suddenly came to me, Demetri, the dancing, the bedroom. Oh God all that did happen. I reached up and touched my face softly, but my hand was captured by Jasper's.

"Don't," he whispered as he pulled my hand back looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Is it that bad," I asked.

"No, but it will hurt for a while," he said as he took a closer look.

When he leaned into me, I could feel his body heat as if it were wrapping me in a blanket. His scent rolled off him enveloping me making me want to move forward and wrap my arms around him. He sat back looking at me with disapproving eyes.

"I'm sorry," I breathed out, upset by the fact he was repulsed by me.

"Sorry for what?" he asked angered.

What was he angry about?

"For this," I said pointing to my eye.

"You're sorry for getting a black eye," he chuckled humorously. "Edward, I'm the one who is sorry," he said as he calmed down again. "I should have watched out for you… I should have been more aware… that guy," he said as the anger was rising. "He's an asshole who… I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you," he said as he covered his face with his hands.

"Jasper, it wasn't your fault, I should have known better… I should never have…" I couldn't finish because he cut me off.

"You. Did. Nothing. Wrong." He commanded. "That guy has been asking for it," he said calm once again.

I gasped realizing the blonde blur was Jasper. He rescued me. He was my savior. I looked at him and could swear I saw love in his eyes.

The door to the dorm swung open startling us both. Emmett and Rose entered as Emmett's voice rang out.

"Hey bro's what's up? Ready for breakfast," Emmett practically shouted, which did nothing for the pounding in my head.

"No," I answered quickly.

"What the hell happened to you?" Emmett shouted out as he approached the bed.

"I… well, I kind of had too much to drink and I…" I didn't know what to say. I would have thought Emmett already knew.

Jasper stood and moved to the other side of the room. Great I was on my own here. What the hell would I tell Emmett?

"He fell into the door as I was trying to get him in here last night. It looks worse than it is and he'll be fine," Jasper lied easily.

Emmett and Rose were staring at him, than Emmett turned to me. I saw Jasper smile a little and then wink at me. Relief washed through me knowing my story would be kept safe.

"Well, Mom's going to flip her lid when she sees this," Emmett said as he pulled my chin toward him for a look. I noticed Rose was looking between Jasper and me. She wasn't buying our story but she chose to remain silent.

"What's done is done, let's go to breakfast," Emmett stated leaving no room for argument.

I pulled the covers back and began to get up until I noticed that I was only wearing my boxer's. Where the hell were the rest of my clothes? Rose immediately turned to move out of the room. Jasper gave me a shy smile before following her out. _He had undressed me?_ Shit! And, I wasn't even awake to enjoy it.

"We'll meet you downstairs when you're ready," Emmett said as he left the room.

That was how my first college experience went. The rest of the weekend was spent with all three of them. I never had a moment alone with Jasper again. I had so many questions I wanted to ask, but never got the chance. So much was left unsaid and there was nothing I could do about it.

Upon returning home, I threw myself into my studies eventually receiving a full scholarship to the University of Chicago much to the disappointment of my brother who wanted me to join him at Washington State. However, after my first experience at college, along with the fact that Jasper attended that school, I decided it wasn't a good idea for me to attend.

College was exhilarating and I graduated with honors to begin my business career. Years passed as I worked my way up the ladder to eventually become the Vice President of a company. I loved my job, but it was my personal life that always paid the price.

After my first experience that weekend so long ago I found that Demetri was in fact correct in his assessment of me. I was a natural submissive the world of BSDM provided me the peace I had so longed for. However, as of late, my life had become unfulfilling and I was beginning to long for what I never had: companionship. There have been many Master's over the years, but I never really had a boyfriend or cared to have one until now. My life was missing an element that I know I could have if I would just let myself.

For years, I was fine with my life. For years, I was perfectly content having arrangements with my Master's. I had very strict rules when I became a submissive and had lost many potentially good Master's because of my rules. However, they were the only way I would be submissive and the only way I would be in a D/S relationship.

My rules were simple:

My face would be covered (Always).

Identities were to remain secret (hence the mask).

No penetration of any kind.

It wasn't that I was against sex, don't misunderstand me, I wanted sex as much as the next guy and would pick up a one off plenty of times, but I always topped in those situations. I could never give myself to anyone completely. I had always longed for a partner that I could love and respect, but in reality, I had never given myself enough time to find a partner or lover. That was the one regret I had when I walked into my office to find the new head of the IT department waiting for me.

Upon entering my office, I saw a head of blonde curly hair that I knew all to well sitting in the chair in front of my desk. Clearing my voice, I walked in calmly.

"Jasper," his name came out sounding more like a whisper.

"Edward, damn it's good to see you," he said as he stood up grabbing me in a hug. Electricity ran through my body the moment he touched me. _Would I always feel this way when it came to this man?_ "It's been too long. How have you been?" he asked as he pulled away to look at me.

"Good, I've been good. How about you? How have you been?" I asked as I walked around my desk and gestured for him to take a seat.

"Good, I was out to see Emmett and Rose last weekend. They seem as in love as ever," he said as he waggled his eyebrows at me. "They miss you a lot," he said as he stared at my eyes making me feel uncomfortable as my pants began to tighten. "Everyone does," he said in a husky tone.

How could he still have this effect on me after all these years? I could cum just from the sound of his voice. Jesus, I need to pull myself together.

"Well, I've missed them too," I said softly while glancing up.

A smile spread across his face taking my breath away. A silent pause fell over us as the world outside drifted away. I felt like I was back in high school with no confidence, so shy and unable to have a reasonable conversation with the beautiful boy sitting in front of me. This was ridiculous. I am a Vice President of a company for Christ's sakes. Work… I'll discuss work. That should make my brain operate straight again. I've always been confident about my work.

"So what made you decide to join our company?" I asked intrigued by the fact he came here.

"Well, I did a lot of research and this firm has one of the best reputations around. I wanted to work for the best. And this company seems like the best," he said with a huge smile. "It helped that you were here," he said under his breath not really meant for my ears.

I was completely floored and wanted to say something… anything, but I was too late as Jasper stood up and began walking toward my door. Wait! I wanted to shout out.

"I'll leave you to your work," he said as he turned to open my office door before turning back to me. "We should have dinner to catch up," he suggested as he walked through the door.

WAIT! I thought as I stood up.

"I'll see you later, Edward," he said as he walked away.

I just let him. I said nothing. Dropping back down into my chair, I lowered my head while my thoughts were spinning around my mind.

_Why did I let him go? Why didn't I say something… anything? Will I ever be able to tell him?_ I knew that he was gay. I had discovered that information years ago when talking to my brother. He told me that Jasper had come out the second year of University but had told Emmett and Rose a year before that. I had never really talked to Jasper about being gay. It was a subject that never came up when we were together, which was not a lot over the years despite the fact that his family and my family were very close since Emmett and Rose got married and had kids. But I hadn't really seen Jasper outside of family events.

Now I was expected to work with him, not closely mind you and truth be told I could probably go on and never have anything to do with him, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted to be near him. I wanted to have him in my life and if I was being completely honest I wanted to come home to him everyday and make love to him every night, but I knew he would never see me that way. I knew he would always see me as a little brother and that bothered me. How would I possibly change his opinion of me? Not having any idea how I would accomplish that I picked up my cell phone.

"Hi, it's Mr. Masen, I would appreciate it if you could squeeze me in this evening," I said to the person on the other end. They had an opening at 6:30pm, which suited my needs just fine. After confirming my presence for this evening, I hung up the phone. I needed some relief and there was only one place I would get that.

When I first came to Chicago, I looked for something that would fulfill the need I had to be submissive. After plenty of research, I found an exclusive club that would provide me with what I needed and I had been a member since. There are plenty of people in this lifestyle that wish to remain anonymous and finding a permanent Dom was not necessary. Over the years that I had frequented the club, I have only had a couple of Dom's that I would see exclusively, but with my list of demands, they didn't last too long. Most thought of me as a challenge, someone they could break, but that would never happen. I had never faltered from my original list of demands and never would. Those Dom's would move on quickly once they realized I was not what they wanted. That was fine with me. I wanted what I wanted, nothing more, nothing less. I know it was unusual in this lifestyle to not have sex, but submitting wasn't about sex for me. Submitting was about letting go of my control, for a few hours at least. That was the reason I was there, sex was not a part of that deal. To me sex was personal, intimate and should remain that way. I have fucked others over the years, but could never bring myself to allow someone that kind of control over my body or me. I suppose that I wasn't as submissive as I thought, but I knew one day I could be and that was my dream. I would dream about finding the right Dom who I could not only give myself to in the playroom, but also give my heart to outside of the playroom. Until that day came, I would play by my rules.

That night when I arrived at the club there were papers waiting for me with instructions of how I was to appear in the playroom. There was also a brief description of the behavior that was expected from me. That night the instructions were different from anything I had had over the years. My first impression was that this guy was new. Excitement coursed through me as I thought about having a new Dom, I loved the thrill of not knowing what to expect. _Would he be the person I had been looking for? Would he be the one I could finally give up all control with?_ Those thoughts ran through my mind as I readied myself for that evenings fun.

I was instructed to wear the mask on the bed, which in-and-of-itself was a hard limit for me, but the difference was this mask had no holes in it. He wanted me completely in the dark. I had done this, not often and never on a first play session. My masks usually had holes for my eyes leaving my sight intact. This Dom wanted me in the dark and I felt a mixture of excitement and fear. This to me was the ultimate test of my submission. To trust this unknown person, to know he wouldn't hurt me beyond my limits, it could be scary and exhilarating.

When I entered the playroom familiarity courses through me and I feel at home in an instant. I looked around at the dark room at the playthings lining the walls and a king size bed dominating the space. It is a comforting feeling knowing that soon I will be sprawled across said bed, or perhaps tied to the cross in the corner, or maybe this Dom would be into suspension. There are not too many Dom's that use the suspension equipment because it is time consuming and tedious to set up, but I have had a few who loved dangling me from the ceiling and I for one, love the feeling of floating around the room. I walked to the bathroom and began stripping myself of my clothes. This Dom wanted me naked and waiting on my knees at the door when he entered, which peering at my watch only left me 5 minutes to oblige to all his requests.

After taking my clothes off, folding them neatly and placing them on the chair, I walked out of the bathroom and went to the bed to retrieve my mask. It was a simple leather mask with a zipper down the back and I could tell it was custom made. I was impressed that he would go to such trouble to have this made for me so that it fit like a glove. I lifted it up and twisted it in my hands to get a good look. As I began to slip it on, I noticed the earplugs dangling from it. _Damn!_ He wanted my hearing diminished too. Again, excitement and fear collided within me. _Why would he take away my hearing?_ I shrugged my shoulders and began placing the mask on as I walked to the door. Once I was in position I placed the earplugs in my ears and pulled the mask into place.

Situating myself on my knees with my butt on my feet, I spread my legs apart as far as they would go. Placing my arms behind my back, I bowed my head and waited for my Dom. I wasn't sure how much time had passed but it felt like hours and in all honesty, he could have already entered the room for all I knew. I wasn't exactly sure how much of my hearing these earplugs diminished. I knew I couldn't hear the air-conditioning hum like I normally could, but as far as voices or anything else I couldn't tell. As I waited, my mind pondered all the scenarios that we could possibly do tonight, until I finally let go and cleared my mind. With my mind blank, I slowly entered a submissive state.

I felt a hand pat my head, which for the slightest moment made me panic and jump. The hand quickly moved to my shoulder and rubbed it smoothly. It calmed me in an instant. Electricity that I had only felt from Jasper's touch ran through me, but was gone the second the Dom removed his hand. I think I moaned at the loss but couldn't really tell if it was out-loud or not. He tapped my shoulder once, which was a signal for me to stand, which I did immediately. I could feel his presence walking around me, checking me out so to speak, something routinely done whenever I met with a new Dom. My only regret is that I would not have the same privilege. He ran his fingertip up my chest, over my shoulder and down my back stopping at my butt, which he grabbed a handful and squeezed. I shuddered as the fire coursed through me. I had never felt anything like that before. I couldn't tell if it was his touch, the fact that I couldn't see, or not being able to hear anything that made this feel more erotic, but I loved it.

A playful swat to my ass had me standing still. He tapped my hip, which was code for kneeling back down and I did so without hesitation. A tap on my ass had me getting on all fours immediately. Being in this vulnerable position was scary because I was completely open to him and the fact that I couldn't hear or see heightened it extremely, but I had to trust him because that was what this was all about.

I waited a few minutes until I felt a hand pulling on one of my arms. Lifting it to my side, I felt him attaching straps to me that were used with the suspension equipment and my excitement tripled. He moved flawlessly and confident getting me ready and I felt at ease letting him. A few times, he ran his hand down my spine and over my ass before returning to his work. The care he took with me was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Other Dom's were careful and safety was a number one issue, but they hadn't taken the time to ensure I was comfortable with everything they were doing. They would be completely focused on the task they were performing and ask later if I was okay. This Dom seemed concerned as he worked and it touched me on a new level.

When I was completely tethered up, I felt him move away from me. There was a slight pull on my neck and then my spine. I knew from experience that he was hooking up the chains. When all was complete, he ran his hand down my spine again to my ass, squeezing it once again. His hand ran back up my spine and tapped my shoulder twice, his way of asking if I was okay. I shook my head to indicate I was fine because his instructions had indicating that no talking was allowed. After a moment, I began lifting off the ground.

Being suspended was exhilarating and there was nothing in the world quite like it. As I was slowly lifted off the ground my inhibitions fell away, my mind would spin and all worries and thoughts floated out of my head. The position he put me in was new for me. Being on all fours was not something a Dom would normally do with me because they knew I would never allow them to fuck me so what was the point. Why this Dom choice this position made me curious and slightly panicked hoping he wasn't one of those Dom's who thought they could change my mind. The slow movement of me rising from the floor put my equilibrium off and sent mind spiraling. Setting a comfortable breathing ritual usually helped in these situations so I started to focus on my breathing. Before I knew it, I felt a hand on my back and I calmed down immediately. He started rubbing my back smoothly in an up and down motion. The sensation was incredible and my dick, which was already hard, began twitching and leaking. My breathing was becoming labored and his hand moved to the top of my head. My body swung a little as he pulled my head forward and lifted the mask over my mouth. Not being able to see was one thing, but not being able to hear was completely distracting. I kept trying to stretch my hearing to hear anything, but the earplugs were so good that all I could hear was my own breathing.

Soft skin touched my lips and I knew immediately it was his dick and I opened my mouth without hesitation. He slowly pushed his dick into my mouth, Christ he was big and I almost gagged but managed to stifle it. Once he was down my throat, he pulled out completely. The loss was immediate but I kept my mouth wide open in case he wanted to use it further. He placed his hand on the back of my neck then proceeded to ram his dick down my throat over and over. I held my mouth as open and wide as it could go while he fucked my face. This was something I never minded because it almost made up for the fact that I would not let anyone stick their dick anywhere else in me. With every thrust his dick became harder and bigger until I finally felt him beginning to pulse. A few more thrusts and he held the back of my neck tighter as he rammed his dick down my throat and began coming. Quickly I began to swallow every drop as if I would never taste his come again. He was a mixture of sweet and sour and I loved how he tasted. My own dick was pulsing and throbbing even though he had hardly touched me.

He finally pulled out of my mouth and I closed my lips. He removed his hand from the back of my head and left me dangling in mid air. I think I whimpered at the loss because I felt a hard slap on my ass and then another one, which he continued to rein slaps on my ass in quick concession. With each sting, I knew I had been vocal and tried every trick not to do it again. It was harder than I thought without my hearing. I hadn't even realized I had made a sound. The slaps stopped and he let his hand run over my sore ass again and again. The feeling was so erotic I think I could cum just from his hand on my ass. He parted my ass cheeks and I immediately tensed up. He placed his hand on my shoulder and tapped it twice asking if I was okay. I breathed heavily and nodded my head yes. He knew my limits and I doubted that he would break the rules on our first night together. His hands left me once more and I was left dangling again. After what felt like hours, but was probably mere minutes, he placed his hand on my back and ran it down my spine to the halfway mark. He slid his hand down the opposite side of my body and grabbed my nipple with his forefinger and his thumb. He rolled his fingers around and pulled my nipple. I tried to remain calm and steady as my breathing became more like a pant. He placed a cold metal clamp on my nipple and proceeded to the other one. When he was finished, he pulled the chain. I was panting harder and harder and let out a soft moan. His hand once again began to slap my sore bottom. I felt quick, harsh, stings spread throughout my body but was able to stay in control enough to count ten slaps. I struggled to remain still and quiet because I didn't want this session to end.

I took a deep breath forcing my head back in the game. I felt his hand slid down to my ass once more as his finger gingerly pressed a little pressure around my hole. His finger came to rest against it and I took another deep breath trying to calm myself once more. Electricity coursed through my veins and my dick was pulsing and leaking begging to be touched. I remained as still as a statue as his finger drew circles around my hole. The feeling was exquisite. I was overwhelmed and wanted to beg for more, but kept my composure. His other hand slipped around and pumped my weeping cock a few times before he placed a cock ring around it. I silently wept knowing that this was an unspoken demand not to cum and I wanted to cum so badly it was starting to hurt.

I was pulled from my saddened thoughts by strings caressing my back. My favorite toy… a flogger. _How would I possibly make it through this torture without coming? Shit!_ He removed the strings from my body and began a rein of hits spreading from my shoulders to the back of my knees. The sensation was exquisite; mind blowing and my need to cum quadrupled. After a few passes along my body he stopped, unzipped the mask, lifting one side up and over my ear he pulled out the earplug. He moved so close to my ear that I could hear his harsh breaths and feel his lips pressing a kiss there before he spoke.

"I want you vocal," he breathed heavily in my ear making me shiver. "I want to hear everything I'm doing to you from here on out," he said in a deep husky voice I almost recognized.

He placed the earplug back in my ear gently, then moved the leather back over my ear and zipped it up. He once again began flogging me from shoulder to knee. His movements were precise and damn near brutal, just enough to have me screaming and moaning like a wanton whore. By the time he was done, I was thoroughly worked over and just wanted to stretch out on my stomach and rest, but the way he had me tethered up I was stuck on all fours hanging in the air.

Before I could consider what would happen next, I was moving quickly through the air. My mind was tilting trying to figure out what was going on. Suddenly all movement stopped and he had his hands on my hips holding me steady. I began lowering down until my legs touched the ground and the upper half of my body was draped over what I assumed was the bed. I fell completely onto it and turned my head to the side. I was beyond relaxed and could pass out at any moment. He undid all of the straps that were attached to my body, leaving only the ones tied to my wrist. The bed dipped in front of me before I felt my right arm being pulled to the side and dropped to the bed. I couldn't move a muscle. He did the same thing with my left arm before I felt him move off the bed once more. A few minutes passed where I felt nothing. His presence wasn't around me and I felt alone. I pulled my right arm then realized it was tied to the bed; the same went for my left. My body was lying on the bed, but my ass was once again open and exposed to him enabling him to do as he pleased. For a moment, fear overwhelmed me, but I was too exhausted to care what happened at this point. My dick was also standing at attention begging me do whatever I had to in order to give it some relief. At this moment, he could have me three ways to Sunday if he would just let me cum.

I felt his presence behind me before I felt his hand on my back. He rubbed all over my body with some type of lotion causing me to fall deeper into sub space. When he finished, he placed his body completely over mine. I could feel his heart beating on my back and I was positive mine was beating just as fast. He placed soft kisses on my shoulders and neck as his arms extended the length of my own. He grabbed my hands in his as he started to rub his erection along the crack of my ass. I wanted to protest, I wanted to use my safe word, but couldn't form a coherent thought never mind scream out. He began to rub harder and faster as he was sprawled across me and every once in a while I would feel a kiss on my shoulder or neck. The feeling of his dick pressed against my most intimate spot was mind blowing. The fact that he didn't try to press in showed how much control he actually had. Although I couldn't hear him, I knew that he was moaning and breathing just as loudly as I was. He took me to a place I had never been and I loved it. I wanted more, but couldn't seem to voice my opinion and the thoughts in my head were so scrambled.

Feeling him thrust harder and harder against me made my body pound into the bed causing my poor dick the friction it needed to cum. I tried my hardest to stifle it, to hold back, but even with the cock ring around me, I couldn't help myself. My dick pulsed and came harder than ever before and I didn't think I would ever stop. I screamed out as each shot consumed me until I had nothing left to give then collapsed on the bed once more. He kept rubbing his dick in the crack of my ass, up and down, up and down, until he finally spurted his seed all over my back. He grasped my hands tightly and bit down hard on my shoulder as he screamed out his release.

We lay there for a while coming back down to earth. This was the best experience I had had and I wanted to have it again and again. Fear set in wondering if it was the same for him. _What if he didn't want me? What if this wasn't something he wanted to do again? Could I cope with that?_ I felt him lift off me and was immediately saddened by the fact our session was over.

A few minutes later, he was back untying my hands. He rubbed each wrist as he worked. After he was finished, he tapped my shoulder once indicating that I should stand, which I did on wobbly legs. He supported me around the waist and moved me to another part of the room. This would be about the time Dom's would normally leave and someone else would come in to provide me with aftercare. When the thought that the session might not be over ran through my mind I began to panic knowing I couldn't take anymore. I knew I would be punished for coming without permission, but I didn't think it would happen tonight. He stood behind me guiding me forward then stopped. He leaned down pulling my right leg up and I helped him by lifting it. He placed it forward and down until I felt the water. The bathtub. He was putting me in the tub. After maneuvering me into to the tub, he stepped behind me and tapped my ass twice indicating to me that he wanted me to sit, which I did carefully. He sat behind me and pulled me against his chest running his hands up and down my chest. My head lolled back against his shoulder and if I wasn't so tired I would be uncomfortable in the intimate position, but I couldn't find it in myself to care. After a few minutes of him caressing my chest, he pulled his hands away, only to return them a moment later with a cloth and proceeded to wash me from my shoulder to my toes.

Suddenly he was unzipping the mask and I tensed up. Revealing my identity was not part of the play and I wasn't sure I wanted to find out who he was. The mystery was part of the game and I wanted to play some more. He pulled the mask over one ear again and pulled out the earplug. Immediately I heard the water splashing around us. Again, he spoke in a husky deep voice.

"Stay here and count to one hundred, then you may clean up and leave," he said softly. As I was concentrating on his voice, he pushed me forward and got out of the tub. His voice was so familiar to me but I couldn't for the life of me figure out who it was.

After a few more minutes of deliberating who he was, I decided to count to one hundred as ordered. Arriving at one hundred, I removed the mask and looked around the bathroom. My clothes were on the chair where I had left them. I got out of the tub, dried off and got dress. My entire body was relaxed and all tension had dwindled away. I strolled out of the room and to the front desk with a spring in my step that I hadn't had for years.

I stopped by the receptionist to give back the keys to the playroom.

"Mr. Masen, I have a package for you," Gina said with a smile holding up said package.

"Thank you," I replied as I took the package from her.

"Have a good night, I'll see you next time," she said smiling at me. Grinning from ear to ear, I returned her sentiment.

All the way home, the envelope, which now lay on the passenger seat of my car taunted me. I was nervous about it's contents hoping it was an offer of a D/S relationship as opposed to a decline to see me again. By the time I reached my driveway, my nerves were rattling and my brain working overtime with all the questions I had. _What if he didn't want to see me again? What if he didn't feel the same connection I felt? _

Picking up the envelope, I got out of the car and went inside my house. I threw the envelope on the coffee table and went to the bar to pour myself three fingers of whiskey. I needed some liquid courage in order to read what was inside that envelope. I took a swig of my drink, pulled off my tie and unbuttoned my shirt. Taking off my suit jacket, I flung it over the back of the couch and sat down. I picked up the envelope and took out the papers that were inside and began reading.

_Dear Pet;_

_I thoroughly enjoyed my time with you and would love to continue seeing you, however your hard limits and mine do not blend well. _(I took a deep breath and another drink before continuing to read the kiss off letter. My heart was pounding in my chest and my eyes began to prick as tears were trying to form.)

_Nevertheless,_ (oh my God there's a but) _I am willing to try this for a while and see where we may end up. I have a feeling about you and I think you feel it too. I would love to explore this more with you (or more to the point __**of you,**__ if you get my meaning) if that is your wish. _

_Enclosed you will find all of the necessary paperwork in order to begin a proper D/S relationship. If you are interested in exploring this further, then I will expect to receive your paperwork back by noon tomorrow. _

_Sincerely,_

_Your Master _

_P.S. If your answer is yes then I expect that you will **not** pleasure yourself at all!_

_Holy Shit!_ He wanted to try this. It was everything I had hoped for, but now I was more nervous. The fact that our hard limits were not in sync kind of bothered me. I knew immediately without reading any further that he was bothered by my rule of no penetration, but I had already begun to re-think my stance on that limit anyway. In fact, tonight I would have allowed him to do just about anything he wanted to do to me and that kind of scared the living shit out of me.

Having those kinds of feelings and those thoughts were exactly how I found myself strapped to a bed watching my worst nightmare come true. As my Dom squirted lube in his hand and began stroking himself hard, I knew I couldn't watch him fuck another guy. I knew it would absolutely break my heart and I knew that if I used my safe word he would end our relationship. As my Dom stepped behind the writhing boy on the table –my table –he placed his dick at the boys entrance as my voice rang out through the room.

"RED!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Two heads whipped in my direction and the room fell silent. Here I was on all fours, with my chin on the railing at the foot of the bed, my arms strapped to either side of me. My Dom stopped removed the straps on the boy and released him. My Dom stepped closer to him and whispered in his ear before the boy turned and headed for the door. My eyes were on my Dom knowing I was in trouble, a whole mess of trouble, but he wouldn't look at me. He stood staring at the door until I heard it click shut. My Dom turned to face me. He stalked over to me as if I were his prey. He had to know how this scene would affect me. He had to have some idea I would not be comfortable with him fucking someone else in my presence. He didn't say a word as he stood directly in front of me and stared into my eyes.

I shifted as best as I could in my restrains and hoped that he could see my pleading eyes through the small holes in my mask. He reached his hands up and placed them on either side of my head before tilting me so I would look directly into his eyes before he whispered to me.

"What do you want?" he asked so quietly I almost didn't hear him.

"You," I breathed out.

"How do you want me?" he asked quieter still.

I thought about what it was I wanted him to do to me and the answer was simple. The answer was the one I had wanted when we had started this relationship a month ago. I wanted to feel him everywhere, in me, around me and in my head. He already owned my heart so it was time for him to claim my body too.

"I want you to fuck me," I breathed out in a whisper.

"Well it's about fucking time," he said as he lifted off his mask and smiled from ear to ear. "I really thought you were going to make me go through with that," he said as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder. "Geez Edward, what took you so long," he chuckled as he started to release my bonds.

Stunned and shocked, I sat still wondering how on earth he knew who I was. Realization dawn on me that if I knew who he was, then of course he knew who I was. It wasn't until our third play date that I realized my Dom was Jasper, I wanted to approach him outside of this place on many occasions but something always stopped me. Insecurity really. I thought if he found out it was me he would run for the hills, apparently, I was wrong.

After he released me from my restraints, he said the three words I had always wanted to hear him say. From the moment, I met him that summer; the summer where my obsession began, I wanted to hear him say those three simple words.

"Let's go home," he said as he took my hand and pulled me off the bed.


End file.
